Characteristics of “Normal” Grief
As a survivor, you will experience a wide range of reactions following the suicide of your loved one. These reactions can usually be categorized as physical sensations, behavioral, social, cognitive, emotional and spiritual. You may experience only a few of these reactions each day or many of them over the course of the day, so it may be helpful for you to expect a variety of them in weeks and months ahead. This roller coaster of reactions is normal in those grieving the loss of someone to suicide. Everyone grieves at a different pace, so what is normal for one person may not necessarily be normal for you. In short, be patient with yourself (and others) at this time…
Physical Sensations
- Tightness in chest or throat
- Breathlessness
- Weakness
- Lack of energy, fatigue
- Aches, pains in joints
- Dry mouth
- Nausea
- Diarrhea
- Constipation
- Heart palpitations
- Vertigo
- Change in appetite
- Change in sex drive
- Lack of energy, sluggishness
- Sleep disturbance
- Restlessness
- Tearfulness (often when least expected), sighing
Behavioral
- Forgetfulness
- Difficulty concentrating, delayed thinking
- Confusion
- Depersonalization, sense of unreality
- Dreams of the deceased, longing for the deceased
- Seeking means to communicate with the deceased (tarot cards, mediums)
- Calling out, searching for the deceased
- Avoiding discussion of the deceased
- Taking on the mannerisms or speech of the deceased
- Needing to retell the story of the deceased’s death
- Absent-mindedness
- Absence of reminders or treasuring reminders
Social
- Withdrawal from friends, ending friendships
- Avoiding family, friends, & colleagues
- Dependent on others
- Hypersensitive to comments about suicide
- Relationship difficulties, frustrations
- Caring more for others, neglecting self
- Increased drug/alcohol use
- Increased risky activities (reckless driving)
Cognitive (thought processes)
- Disbelief
- Confusion
- Preoccupation
- Sense of the deceased’s presence
- Hallucinations
Emotional
- Shock
- Changes in mood
- Numbness, having no feelings
- Sadness, sorrow
- Fear, uncertainty about the future
- Anger
- Guilt
- Anxiety, panic
- Abandonment
- Loneliness
- Apathy, disbelief, denial
- Helplessness, meaninglessness
- Yearning, wanting, pining
- Irritability, oversensitivity
- Relief
- (misplaced) feelings of anger
Spiritual
- Anger at one’s God or faith
- Doubting one’s belief system
- Loss of faith
- Feeling betrayed by one’s God
- Renewed interest in spirituality