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We’d like to think that our kids are immune to depression and suicide. We’ve done everything possible to make them happy. We want the best for them. We want them to grow up, to have a fulfilling career, a loving family, good friends and success.
However, being a young person can be difficult. School demands, peer pressure, undefined life goals, a hostile social environment– theses things can be stressful and lead to depression. And some young people are born with a chemical imbalance in their brains, causing feelings of depression without any outside trigger.
Supporting a young person during a depression is crucial. Parental support can be the difference between hope and despair. If your kid is depressed, don’t be angry, dismissive, or eager to “fix” the situation. Instead, sit down and listen to what your child has to say.
1. Initiate direct conversation. Find time when you can talk privately without interruption.
2. Tell your child the behaviors you’ve noticed that cause you concern.
3. Assure your child that you love him and want to hear whatever they have to say.
4. Ask your child directly if she’s been feeling down or emotionally depressed. How long has she been feeling this badly? Have her feelings have gotten better or worse.
5. Give your child your full attention.
6. Your child may say things you do not like or are difficult to hear. Please try to listen without interrupting or reacting until he is finished.
7. Temper your reaction– it’s okay to express your concern; however, anger may cause your child to become defensive. Avoid interrogating, lecturing, and accusing.
8. Focus on your child’s feelings rather than your own.
9. Ask your child how you can help.
10. Thank your child for sharing her feelings with you. Reaffirm you are available anytime she needs to talk.
Many youth resist talking to their parents. Perhaps you can get another trusted adult (relative, religious leader, friend) to talk with your child about his or her feelings. This is not a judgment on you as a parent. Sometimes it’s just easier for a teen or adult to talk to someone outside of his or her family or peer circle.
Make a plan to get help. Discuss the possibility of obtaining counseling services. Young people may want to find services that feel safe or neutral. This may be away from school and family.
A very high percentage of youth suicide is caused by a gun of a family member. If your child expresses the desire to hurt themselves, remove all guns from home.
Watch closely. If reckless behavior or depression is getting worse, an intervention may be needed. If the situation is serious, call San Francisco Comprehensive Child Crisis. It is available 24-hours a day: (415) 970-3800.
Be there for your child. Always let them know that you are there to talk.
To find counseling services, call:
- High School Counselor
- Family Doctor or Health Insurance
- Mental Health Access Line – 415-255-3737
- Crisis Center – 415-781-0500
- 1-800-SUICIDE
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